I walked out of a panel debate on Friday night with my perspective fundamentally shifted. Joeli Brearley, founder of Pregnant Then Screwed, joined other speakers to tackle the impossible question: can mothers balance thriving careers, quality time with children, fitness, friendships, and sanity?
The answer was a resounding NO.
And here’s exactly why that matters.
Women remain significantly underrepresented in senior leadership across virtually every industry. This isn’t a pipeline problem or women “opting out.” It’s systemic.
Our workplace structures were built without diverse perspectives at the decision-making table. When the people designing these systems haven’t experienced balancing motherhood with career advancement, the gaps remain invisible to those in power.
Look at Parliament. Examine boardrooms. The people making decisions about flexibility, parental leave, and career progression often haven’t lived the experience they’re legislating around. How can we expect change when the architects don’t understand the blueprint needs redesigning?
But change is brewing from an unexpected direction: men.
Fathers are increasingly vocal about wanting systemic change. They’re speaking up about “Dad guilt,” the desire for involved fatherhood, and recognition that the current model doesn’t serve them either. My recent post about paternal guilt generated overwhelming response—these conversations are becoming mainstream.
More fathers want to be present for school pickups and bedtime without career penalties. They’re questioning why parental leave is career-limiting. They’re pushing back against the outdated notion that providing financially is their sole contribution.
This is monumental because change accelerates when it’s not solely women fighting for recognition. When diverse voices speak out collectively, systems crack.
The most powerful realisation: we’re having these conversations far too late.
For our daughters: Mine will hear a different message. They won’t be told to choose between ambition and family. They’ll understand that it’s the system that needs changing, not their aspirations that need shrinking.
For our sons: Boys need to understand early what kind of fathers and partners they want to become—not simply accept workplace culture as it exists. The next generation needs to be raised knowing that active, involved parenting isn’t “helping out”—it’s fundamental.
For women planning futures: These discussions need to happen before children arrive, not in the exhausted scramble that follows. Young women deserve to enter relationships and careers with clear expectations and realistic strategies—not the fantasy that “you can have it all” if you just work hard enough.
The phrase “having it all” is problematic. It suggests a universal definition of success that doesn’t exist.
Stop asking “Can I have it all?” Start asking “What does having it all mean to ME?”
For some, that’s the C-suite. For others, it’s part-time work for school runs. For many, it’s something entirely different—and that’s exactly as it should be.
The goal isn’t mythical perfect balance. It’s picking what genuinely fulfils you and building your life around those priorities—without guilt, without apology, and without systemic barriers making that choice unnecessarily difficult.
The gap isn’t just cultural—it’s systemic. And systemic problems have systemic solutions:
Change becomes possible when everyone has a seat at the table. Not a token seat—genuine representation with decision-making power.
What do you hope looks different for the next generation?
I hope they inherit workplaces where flexibility is the norm, not a hard-won exception. Where parental leave—regardless of gender—is celebrated. Where leadership naturally reflects society’s diversity because barriers have been systematically dismantled.
The conversation reminded me that change won’t happen through silence or individual struggle. It’ll happen through collective voice, sustained pressure, and the courage to say: “No, we can’t have it all under this broken system—so let’s build a better one.”
Because our daughters and sons deserve better than choosing between professional fulfilment and present parenting. They deserve a world where both are not just possible but expected.
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